The Holiday that Never Was

We were supposed to go to Nice, France, but ended up at Ica Maxi supermarket...

Two weeks ago we were finally on our way to Nice again, for the first time since July last year, and for the very first time our friends Maria and Daniel were joining us for part of the trip.  But French air traffic control wanted differently, as they went on strike the same day we were supposed to fly. 

If I believed in signs I'd think the universe was telling us something already ahead of the trip as both Daniel and I fell ill the weekend before.  Neither of us were in great shape on departure day but that didn't stop us from going.  What did stop us was a strike as well as, it seems, very bad management by SAS.

French air traffic was minimal on Tuesday and our flight was one of the ones which had not been cancelled, albeit delayed.  Around the time of our original departure, 10:20, we were told that our flight did have a slot time at 12:30, but that unfortunately it looked like SAS didn't have a crew anymore for the flight.  The original crew had been working too many hours already and the new crew members might not make it to the airport in time.  And that's what eventually happen. 

What I don't understand though is how SAS (and maybe not just SAS but airlines in general) can have so small margins in terms of the crew's working hours.  I understand that they probably started their day in Östersund at 5am and going to Nice and back to Stockholm would make their work day very long.  But it's not like the flight was hours and hours delayed.  Two hours must be pretty normal if something happens, for example technical problems.  And I don't understand how they don't have a new crew on stand-by that can make it to the airport in a few hours.  Daniel, who also happens to be a pilot, said it's probably down to one member who didn't make it in time and because they have to be a full team (of course) the plane can't take off.

 

Big kids also have fun at the play area at Arlanda!

There was no point queuing at the transfer centre at the airport so we checked out our luggage again and headed back home to try to rebook our tickets over the phone instead.  Once we got through we were told we were rebooked on another flight the next day, via Copenhagen this time.  So far so good.  We knew the risk was high that flight would be cancelled too, especially since the strike was planned to last three days, but we didn't want to give up just yet. Even though the flight was an early morning one. 

So the next morning we get up in the wee hours (and carry heavy luggage and two kids out of the building again, in and out of the car, on and off the airport parking bus...) and we make it to Copenhagen without problems.  Of course this wasn't the leg with issues but it felt promising still.  Why fly all of us to Copenhagen if they didn't think we could make it?

Yes, we're off to Copenhagen and then we'll see...

But of course it was too good to be true.  We're told that we'll get new information at a certain hour and that time gets pushed a few times.  They give us food vouchers, which we spend to the last penny.  Eventually they give us the bad news that the flight is cancelled.  After a long wait at the transfer centre we're booked on a flight back to Stockholm (some passengers opt for a flight to Milan - which hopefully weren't affected by a similar strike in Italy that day - and bus transfer to Nice but we don't want to do that with two small children, especially since we would have arrived in the middle of the night).



Happy travellers despite everything! 

Luckily Isolde is a bit too young to understand the concept of a missed trip and and for her exploring airports and flying back and forth Stockholm-Copenhagen is enough of an adventure.  She must have wondering why we were hauling around so much luggage for such a short trip though haha.  She was a star throughout except take-off and landing, as she doesn't like to be strapped in, but that's just something she has to get used to.  She flew quite a lot in her first year but before this trip she hadn't flown since last summer.  Harald is just the most easy-going baby so he was his usual smiley self both days - although the day after he slept all day almost.

We had brought our Babyzen Yoyo pushchair, which folds into a very small carry-on size, for Isolde, and discovered that Harald could ride in it too.

At Kastrup they had pushchairs suited for both children and babies, which is excellent when Isolde and Harald were asleep at the same time.  

In-flight entertainment

Once we had landed in Stockholm our luggage had not travelled with us of course, but luckily we didn't have to wait long and it was delivered the next morning.  But the bad luck didn't end there. When we had picked up the car from airport parking and just turned onto the motorway Maria and Daniel, who were ahead of us, called to tell us that there has been an accident and that they were now stuck in stopped traffic, and recommended us to get off the motorway.  We got their call just in time and turned off and into a McDonald's.  I spot a playground and suggest we hang out there until the road is clear. After a while both kids require a change of nappies and we discover that we've run out (Harald went through 13 nappies that day!) so we decide that then we can just as well go to Ica Maxi and pick up supplies for the next few days, including nappies. 

And that's how we ended up at the supermarket instead of France...

We could have made a new attempt on the Friday that week (our original departure was Tuesday) but SAS for some reason didn't allow us to rebook the return flight (strikes are considered force majeure) and we felt a five-day trip would be too short compared to the eight days we originally planned for.  And we were tired of airports and also worried that the strike might still cause delays and even cancellations.  So we opted for a full refund.  We also tried to get some compensation for pain and suffering but our request was turned down.  At least we got compensation for extra expenses such as parking and cancellation fee for the rental car in Nice.  We'll try with our insurance company but it sounded unlikely when we talked to them on the phone.

We looked at buying new tickets for a later time in June or July but the tickets were really expensive compared to what we originally paid for ours in January.  Instead we'll spend it on visiting Maria and Daniel in Bodø in the north of Norway where Daniel works.  It's supposed to be very beautiful there and I'm also looking forward to experiencing midnight sun! 

Update

Harald turned 6 weeks on Tuesday (I know, time flies!). He's growing quickly - his latest weigh-in (which was yesterday, together with an early two-month doctor's appointment) was 4,670 gr. He has now just about caught up with Isolde at the same age. Here's how they compare:

Birth weight: 2,805 (Isolde 3,365)
6 days old: 2,640 (Isolde 3,498)
1 week, 2 days: 2,700 (Isolde 3,470)
1 week, 6 days: 2,950
2 weeks, 6 days: 3,390 (Isolde 3,680 at 2 weeks, 1 day)
5 weeks: 4,340 (Isolde 4,470)
6 weeks, 1 day: 4,670 (Isolde 4,690)

As you can see, Harald gained almost 1 kilo in two weeks, from 3,390 to 4,340, at the previous check-up last week. In terms of length, he's now 55 cm and Isolde was 54 at this age (although their length is always difficult to get correct, compared to their weight).

The days go so quickly! The first month of Harald's life Isolde kept her regular hours at preschool (9:00-16:00) and Peter dropped her off and picked her up. Since 12 March Peter drops her off at 9am and I pick her up by 3pm and some days it feels like I haven't done much by the time I have to go and get her. Especially on the days when I've been up early with both kids (Isolde often wakes up at 5 at the moment... hope it changes to at least 6 now when we change the clocks this weekend) and then gone back to bed at 9 and slept for a couple of hours. After that it's lunch and perhaps an errand or a walk, and suddenly it's 3pm. But don't take me wrong, I'm very grateful Isolde is able to attend preschool even though I'm on parental leave (this wasn't the case before the late 1990s) and the 30-hour entitlement in Stockholm is a luxury. She really loves it there so I'm happy she doesn't have to stay home with boring mum and brother. Though on days that I have plans, e.g. hanging with one of my friends who are also on maternity leave and who have kids the same age as Isolde, she'll have a day off. And she's already been home with me on several occasions due to illness (pink eye and a cold).

On those days, when I've had both children, I feel that I'm neglecting both, albeit at different times. Luckily Harald wants to sleep a lot now in the beginning, because on those days he has had to spend most of the day in his cot while Isolde has got most of my attention. However, often it seems he's desperate to be fed at the very minute I have to make lunch for Isolde or we're having the most fun playing. And then I feel bad for her. She's also been jealous of him, of course, and I don't want to have to say no to her too much. But it's a bit difficult to have her on my lap while I'm breast-feeding... Luckily she's usually content (or has to be content) with sitting close to me and watching TV or reading a book while I feed him. I know I shouldn't feel bad, as she will (eventually) get love and attention also from a devoted little brother, and life is all about learning how to share, but it's difficult to fight off that bad consciousness anyway. I know she's doing fine and that I'm doing my best but it's easy to still feel a bit iadequate. Luckily she has a great dad who devotes most of his evenings to her. Although I wish we could switch kid more in the evening so-to-speak, but the evenings are still one of the main feeding times for Harald (though I plan to start expressing milk so that Peter can feed him too).

I think that is the main "lesson" so far after six weeks as parents of two children; i.e. that life becomes somewhat "divided", at least now in the beginning. Peter takes care of Isolde and I take care of Harald. It's not really like with Isolde when we "discovered" our child together. When Peter was back at work after his two weeks off he reflected over the fact that he had hardly held Harald since he started working again. Lately it's been a bit better though because we're making a conscious effort to make sure I also put Isolde to sleep at night when Harald is content or sleeping anyway (although Isolde is daddy's girl so sometimes she only wants him) and Peter spends some time with Harald when he's not eating (but as you can see from his weight gain above most of his awaken time has been feeding time ha ha :) And once Isolde is down for the night, usually around 8pm, it's the three of us; Harald, Peter and me.

The second lesson is the shared attention aspect I described above. And the time and effort involved in taking care of two children on your own (eloge to single parents!), especially now in the beginning when it's a new situation and Harald doesn't have any "routines". Peter has yet to experience this ha ha! I desperately need a haircut so I plan to leave him with both rascals in the near future so I can look presentable again.

In other and related news, Isolde has entered the terrible twos big time (well, it's probably nothing compared to how it can get and maybe will get as time goes on this year). It started around Christmas and has increased with her turning two and with Harald arriving. She throws tantrums (sometimes with highpitch screaming which we're trying to make her stop doing) when she doesn't get what she wants or when she doesn't want to do what we want her to do, such as get dressed, brush her teeth, eat what's being served, not mess with Harald, and so on. But we're learning how to deal with it and what makes things easier for us - or rather for her and thus for us. Key words are time, preparation and patience. At least if she is to get dressed in the morning without a fight and tears. She wants to do things when she wants to do it and at her pace. So the trick is to let her do that, or rather, have her think that's how it is (or is she still the one manipulating us, who knows? ;) Letting her make the choices - those that a two-year-old can make, e.g. choosing between two outfits, also make getting dressed so much easier. Sometimes she doesn't know what she wants though, and since her language skills leave much to ask for still, it doesn't help her or us. That said, she's very good at getting what she wants by pointing and gestures (just like her dad when he was little apparently). E.g. she can't say "thirsty" or "drink" so she's started doing a pretend cough when she's thirsty. Cute and creative! :)

Besides the occasional scratch (one resulting in a few drops of blood), Isolde has treated Harald well. At first she was a bit bewildered, asking several times a day "what/who is that?", and not that interested in him, and very gentle when touching him. But after a week or two, having become used to his presence, she started looking for and after him, and wanted to pat and cuddle him. She's often be a bit rough because she doesn't understand that she's heavier than him and can't lay on top of him, and she gets carried away. There was one week, around his forth and fifth week, that she was a bit more consciously rough, but that phase soon passed and now she's nice to him most of the time. That said, she still can't be left alone with him and we have to keep constant watch, mainly because she wants to cuddle or she wants to tease and tickle him and she isn't careful enough. We have a very high bed which Isolde hasn't been able to climb up by herself but now she's learnt how to do it - probably encouraged her curiosity and desire to be with him - so now the only safe place for Harald is his cot.

It's really sweet to see them together. Isolde is already looking after him - running to see him as soon as he make a sound and anxious that he wears his socks - and Harald is already watching what his sister is up to. I'm sure he'll be worshipping the ground she walks on in no time! And she will be his protector and boss at the same time ;)

For those who are interested and waiting for it, I promise I will write about the birth soon!

All Our Children

A few weeks ago I wrote about the Girl Effect and Save the Children's most recent Swedish campaign.  I meant then to also write about Fryshuset's project/campaign Jag brinner för dig (I burn for you).  You can read more about the project at Fryshuset's page, on the website of one of their social partners and on the initiator's blog. 

The aim of the campaign is to encourage all of us to think and care more about other people's children; all children: 

Your children are my children.  My children are your children.  Together all children are our children.  I promise to see you and act for you.  Through the simple [things] I will and can make a difference for you.

Those simple things can be:

• I say Hi to children around me, and learn their names
• I invite everyone to a meal when my child has friends at home
• I give attention to and praise children around me
• I provide an extra packed lunch when my child has a field day
• I bring a football or a skipping rope outside and play with the children
• I give away those things I don't need by putting up notices in the neighbourhood
• I ask if I can help when I see a child looking sad or lost
• I provide extra mittens, Lucia outfits or Halloween costumes for activities at preschool and school
• I and my child share buckets, shovels and toys when we're outside playing
• I pass on these actions

So pay it forward by doing these things and recommending others to do so too!

Baby Humour

Funny text that did the rounds on Facebook the other day.

Birth order of Children:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your doctor confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
_____________________________________________________
 

Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
_____________________________________________________
 

Clothes:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
_____________________________________________________
 

Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
_____________________________________________________
 

Dummy:
1st baby: If the dummy falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the dummy falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
______________________________________________________
 

Nappies:
1st baby: You change your baby's nappy every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their nappy every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their nappy before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
_____________________________________________________
 

Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
______________________________________________________
 

Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
_____________ ________________________________________
 

At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
______________________________________________________
 

Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin, you deduct it from his pocket money.

Friday Gallery: A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words

Annika's last theme for the month of February (who's taking over in March??) is A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words.

It wasn't difficult for me to find a picture (well, two pictures actually) to illustrate this week's theme.

Friday Gallery: Joy

Today's theme, as chosen by Désirée, is something that makes you happy.  Shopping makes most of us happy, right?!  So I have to show you my latest purchase!  Mums and dads out there should pay particular attention!

We've been thinking about getting an extra pushchair that is smaller than the Bugaboo Cameleon and that we could bring on trips, be they abroad or to Ikea or to the supermarket, and our plan was to get a MacLaren.  But then I joined this pram group on Facebook (and got addicted...) and heard about the Babyzen Yoyo.  Such a cool and clever pushchair!  And since both Peter and I like "gadgets" (and Peter is an even more avid tech fan), we just had to get one.  Watch the video and you'll see why!




Yoyo hasn't come to Sweden yet (but will do in February-March next year and maybe as early as December to select shops) so I ordered it from a French site (which also had it in black fabric, most of the other sites only had the other four colours).  I ordered it on Monday and today it arrived!  I unpacked and put it together (which wasn't too difficult) this evening and I'm looking forward to taking it for a ride tomorrow! 

Shopping abroad for prams is becoming quite a big business these days actually as it almost always means money and time saved (the lead times for buying a pram in Sweden can be 6-8 weeks compared to not even a week from some other European country - UK, the Netherlands and Poland seem most popular).  Before this purchase I had only used British Pramworld and they've been great in terms of service and return-policy, and so far Little Design seems very good too.

Silly Walk

Wonder if Isolde will walk like this once she starts walking?


-Via Isoldes padda

Song Book

Today we visited the city library's Rum för barn (Room for kids) for the first time (together with Tora and Ester) and I already know it's going to become a regular hangout for us. In addition to lots of books (of course, it being a library) it has a special area for babies and toddlers (bebisbibblan), which is very baby friendly with pillows and one of those sunken playpens (padded hole) where Isolde could practice standing up without risking hurting herself. Just when we were about to leave two of the librarians started singing and playing the guitar so we joined the ring for a while (would have stayed longer if we didn't have an appointment), which was popular with Isolde as well as Ester (not the girl in the picture).






Via Anna's iPhone

Ragdoll x2

If you've run out of ideas for children's birthday gifts, here's one where you can light up another's child's life at the same time. Invisible Friend is like Toms one-for-one concept - buy a doll and another doll will be sent to a child somewhere in the world, in this case children who live with their mothers in prisons (yes, unfortunately that's the reality of many children around the world) or in an orphanage. A Swedish woman started the company after having worked in a Thai prison.

Only in America...

Those of you living in the States have probably already heard about the J. Crew ad where a boy has painted toe nails - in neon pink - and the debate about gender this has caused. It's unbelievable what it has turned into. You'd think it was a joke or April Fools. Crazy. I'm speechless. As always, there's the Daily Show to set people (as in Fox* watching Americans) straight.

The Daily Show - Toemageddon 2011 - This Little Piggy Went to Hell
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

* Though this time also ABC, NBC and CNN seem to have jumped on the loony bandwagon.

Small Friends

My friend Maria and I went to visit another friend, Malin, today. Malin has a 1 1/2 year-old daughter, Elvina, and is expecting a little boy in September; 22 months apart. Today Malin got to practice juggling two little ones and experience what sibling jealousy might look like :)




What's great with Elvina getting a little brother is that she's passing on all her girly stuff to Isolde (in addition to all the other stuff we've received or borrowed). Today we got two big bags of clothing (lucky us that Elvina is a shopoholic, or is it her mother..?) and I also borrowed a baby food processor that steams and purees in one go. In the picture are also hand-me-downs from Maria's friend Marie. At this rate Isolde is going to need one of the walk-in closets in our new flat all to herself!



Via Anna's iPhone

Isolde's New Blog Buddy

Marie had a little Alfred on Friday (my birthday!) - he's very cute!

Congratulations to Marie and Engelsmannen &Welcome to the world, Alfred!

First Pediatrician* Visit

We took Isolde for her first visit to the Children's Health Centre (Barnavårdscentralen, BVC) yesterday. As this was our first visit they asked if we parents (and members of the extended family) have now or have had any allergies, diseases or other issues such as vision or hearing problems, useful for Isolde's file. The nurse also measured and weighed Isolde - she's now 50 cm tall and weighs 3,470 grams (which is actually less than Friday's weighing but we're not worried as she's been eating well and 28 grams difference isn't much; she did grow 2 cm since birth and another explanation could be differently calibrated scales). The nurse also did a full check of Isolde's body (spine, skin, fontanelle, etc.) and told us about skincare (how and where to wash, which creams are good, etc.) and how to avoid friction injuries on the nails that I wrote about yesterday. She spotted that Isolde has a little blister in the middle of her upper lip - this was apparently a so-called breast-feeding blister and a sign that feeding is going really well. BVC also provides D vitamin that we will need to give Isolde daily starting in a couple of weeks' time. Our next visit will be on Monday - in the beginning we will go every week, which is good I think so that we know she's gaining weight and staying healthy.

First bath - six days old

I'm so cute when I'm sleeping!

* We didn't actually see the doctor, we'll only see him/her if necessary. Instead our main contact is a nurse specialised in child healthcare.

Show & Tell: What Makes Me Laugh

Erica's second theme for December is What Makes Me Laugh (forgot to mention last week that Erica is this month's hostess).

Here are a few things but there is so much more of course!

Children's laughter, such as in this YouTube classic



Peter being silly



Cute puppies



My favourite sitcoms

Right now, Modern Family, Big Bang Theory (couldn't embed the video) and How I Met Your Mother.

Unbelievable!

Not Chance, Just Pure Talent

Imagination as Few

Une adorable petite fille débordante d’imagination...

Elvina!

My friend Malin managed the feat of timing the birth of her second child - a baby girl with the beautiful name Elvina - with her older daughter's tenth birthday! !

Congratulations Malin & Ronny! And Filippa, who's a big sister!



More pics on Malin's blog!

I also want to congratulate Åsa & Rikard who became parents to beautiful Wera last week!

Show & Tell: Empathy/Compassion

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings. It is often characterised as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".

Compassion is a human emotion prompted by the pain of others. More vigorous than empathy, the the feeling commonly gives rise to an active desire to alleviate another's suffering. It is often, though not inevitably, the key component in what manifests in the social context as altruism. In ethical terms, the various expressions down the ages of the so-called Golden Rule embody by implication the principle of compassion: Do to others what you would have them do to you. Ranked a great virtue in numerous philosophies, compassion is considered in all the major religious traditions as among the greatest of virtues. *

Most of us show and act on feelings of empathy every day, in the little things, but some also have the means to do it big scale. These men (most, except one or two are men) have all donated at least 1 billion dollar to different charities and caues. 3 out of the 14 people on the list** have donated so much that they are no longer on the rich people's list the selection was originally made from!

5. Eli Broad. 2 billion dollar. Has made his money in real estate and insurance and has donated 600 milluon dollar to a gene research centre at M.I.T., among other things.

4. Warren Buffet. 6,7 billion dollar. The world's best broker originally planned to give his fortune away after this death but in 2006 he changed his mind and promised to give away 30 billion dollar over 20 years to his friend's Bill Gates's foundation.

3. Gordon Moore. 6,8 billion dollar. One of Intel's founders. Donated 6 billion in stocks in 2000. Supports environmental projects, research and nurses' training.


2. George Soros. 7,2 billion dollar. Supports a lot of different projects, from clean needles for drug addicts in California to research in Russia. His trust Open Society Institute gave away 540 million dollar last year, mostly towards the development of democracy around the world.

1. Bill Gates. 28 billion dollar. Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, founded in 1999, is the world's largest foundation and donates around 3 billion dollar annually, mostly towards research about diseases such as HIV, malaria and TB.

For no 6-14 on the list, look here.

You could probably say*** a lot about this crowd, things that are negative about them and/or the company they started/run, how they made their money, etc., but you have to give them credit for what they have done for humanity. I don't think they do it to sell more computers or what have you; that is not their motivation.

I also read an article about people who seem to lack empathy or compassion. I cannot understand how anyone would want to hit a child (and spanking is included in my definition of hitting), but spanking a disabled child is even worse.

* Definitions from Wikipedia

** Images from Scanpix

*** Like that the vaccine against the new influenza is a big evil plan by Bill Gates to kill most of the people in the world to bring down the global population to 500 million - one of the many conspiracy theories out there

Show & Tell: Blue and Yellow

New month and new Show & Tell hosts - Annika, Désirée and Petra. Today's theme blågult - blue yellow (though yellow blue sounds better in English) are the Swedish national colours and I assume the girls picked it because it's the Swedish national day tomorrow. But I'm going to make a very free interpretation and write about what I came to think of when I thought of the colours blue and yellow.

Blue and yellow - and purple, green and red - are the colours of an abused woman.

Before I continue I should point out that I'm not myself a beaten woman (if I were I would probably not write about it to start with) but fighting domestic violence, or violence against women in general, is a cause I support. I have a friend who's been working with women's rights and domestic violence for a long time - she's now heading a project called Centre for Relationship Violence in Stockholm - and I have followed some of the developments in terms of policy and legislation for work.

According to the UN definition (1993 declaration), violence against women is:

• - Violence targeted at women on the basis of sex/gender
• - Violence that cause or can cause physical or mental suffering or bodily harm
• - Violence that mean threat, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of freedom
• - Violence against women refers to abuse, rape or sexual exploitation
• - Mental violence refers to sexual harassment or sexual humiliation at workplaces or in schools, in media, press and advertising
• - Violence against women is a breach of human rights

Violence against women occurs everywhere around us. Amnesty illustrates this by shrinking the world to a village with 1,000 inhabitants and providing some frightening and sad statistics:

• - 500 are women; it would be 510 but 10 were never born due to sex-related abortion or died as infants due to neglect
• - 300 are Asian women
• - 105 are illiterate
• - 145 live on less than a dollar a day
• - 167 are being beaten or in some other way exposed to violence during their lifetime
• - 100 will be raped or experience an attempted rape during their lifetime

More about domestic violence (source: Amnesty):

• - At least one out of three women or as many as a billion women in total have been abused or forced to have sex during their lifetime. Often the perpetrator is a family member or someone she knows.
• - Approx. 70% of female murder victims are killed by their male partner
• - It is estimated that in Kenya more than one woman a week is killed by their male partner; in Zambia it is five women a week by a male partner or family member.
• - 35% of Egyptian women are abused by their husband at least once during the marriage
• - In Bolivia 17% of women over 20 have been subject to physical violence in the last year
• - In Bangladesh all murdered women have been killed by their partner
• - In Pakistan 42% of women are said to accept violence as part of their fate and 33% feel too helpless to put up any resistance. 19% say that they have protested and 4% that they have acted in some way.
• - In Canada the costs for violence against women have been estimated to be 1.6 billion dollar per year including medical care and decline in production
• - In the USA a woman is abused every 15th second, often by her partner
• - In New Zealand 20% of women are beaten or mentally abused
• - In Russia 36,000 women are abused on a daily basis by their men or partners
• - In Spain one woman is killed every five days by her male partner
• - In the UK two women a week die at the hands of their male partners.

There is also specific sexual violence (still Amnesty figures):

• - One of five women in the world will be subject to rape or attempted rape during their lifetime
• - In South Africa on average 147 women are raped day
• - Rape occurs every 90th second in the USA
• - In France 25,000 women are raped every year
• - In Turkey 35.6% of women have been subject to violence within marriage, 16.3% say that it has happened on several occasions

More statistics, e.g. for violence against women in wartime and harmful practices such as female genital mutilation, are available on Amnesty's page.

So what do states do about it?
In many countries it is not even considered a crime; cases of violence are often not even investigated or punished. Some facts:

• - In 2003 at least 54 countries had laws that discriminated against women in some way (based on a report from the UN rapporteur on violence against women).
• - 79 countries have no or unknown legislation against violence in the home
• - Rape within marriage is recognised as a specific crime in only 52 countries (read for example about new, depressing legislation allowing this in Afghanistan here)
• - Only 16 countries have legislation that include specific references to sexual assault
• - Only three countries have legislation that specifically headline violence against women as a criminal category in itself (Bangladesh, Sweden and the USA)
• - In Bolivia, Cameroon, Costa Rica, Ethiopia, Lebanon, Peru, Romania, Uruguay and Venezuela a rapist will not be punished if he asks the victim to marry him and she accepts
• - The concept "honour" as extenuating circumstances (partly or fully) exists in penalty codes in Peru, Bangladesh, Argentina, Ecuador, Egypt, Guatemala, Iran, Israel, Jordan, Syria, Lebanon, Turkey, the West Bank and Venezuela.

What about Sweden then?
According to the Swedish National Council for Crime Prevention, reported case of abuse against women are increasing (up 34% in the last decade) - both because more and more women go to the police and because there is more violence. Some facts and figures:

• - In 73% of the cases the woman knew the culprit (2007)
• - The share of attacks (where the victim does not know the perpretator and it happens outdoors for example) has decreased with 12% (2006) and in 17% of cases of rape there is no close relationship
• - In 2006 the prosecutor gave a restraining order in 4,294 cases
• - There were 2,500 reports of abuse in 2007
• - In 2007 5,850 persons were suspects in connection to abuse against women. In the majority of the cases (around 4,750) the woman and the man knew each other. In 85% of those cases the suspect was a man (compared to 64% men where they don't know each other).
• - 21% of all cases were settled (solved) (23% for known perpretator and 15% for unknown)
• - According to estimates only 20-25% of violence against women in close relationship are ever reported to the police

We should also remember that not just women are victims of domestic violence, also children, both directly and indirectly. Save the Children/Rädda Barnen has done several excellent commercials about this:

I also believe that prostitution is a form of violence against women. I don't agree with those who say that "it is the world's oldest trade bla bla..." or that "they have chosen to do this bla bla...". I recently read a disturbing article about the "business prospects" for prostitutes in Copenhagen in connection with the climate conferences taking place there this year (one climate and business conference a couple of weeks ago and of course the big international climate conference in December). At the recent conference one prostitute said she had "a crazy rush" for business; "the politicians also need to relax after a long day"... Denmark has not criminalised sex-buyers (NB! not selling but buying, based on the assumptions that the prostitutes themselves are victims rather than criminals) like Sweden (1999), Norway (2008), Finland (pending) and Iceland (2009) and does not seem to be heading that way anytime soon.

Finally I just want to say that I'm not saying that all men are like this! I happen to have a wonderful man in my life and I know most of you out there do too. Violence against women in something that men and women have to fight together! It's a cause we should all support. I also want to say that I'm aware of the fact that there are women who abuse men, and violence in same-sex couples - this is for example why my friend's project talks about violence in relationships rather than just violence against women. That said, most of their clients are women who have been abused by men.