Just because (or thanks to) I wrote that post yesterday, Isolde slept a bit better last night, six hours between 21 and 03 (and after that until 7AM with two more feeds). She was awake for a while around 01 but suck her thumb (loudly) for a while and fell asleep again. But did her mother sleep?! Nooo! I laid there for two hours thinking "I bet she'll wake up soon!". My legs also hurt from walking in high heals at a work reception I attended yesterday afternoon/evening. Even if she's not disturbed by us I'm certainly disturbed by the sounds she makes so separate rooms as soon as possible are probably best.
Regarding the bed routine I forgot to mention yesterday that since she was 3-3 1/2 months old we've been trying to get her to fall asleep by herself instead of in our arms in the evening. It has been semi-successful; it can take everything from 15 minutes to two hours (difficult to "catch" her tiredness right). But since that's not new it shouldn't have caused her recent sleeping problems. So we continue with the evening routine: bath (a few times a week), pajamas on, feed (recently porridge followed by breastmilk), story or singing or both, a last feed and then off to bed. If she happens to fall asleep when I feed her we don't wake her of course but put her down anyway.
From the beginning she's been sleeping in her cot for the first part of the night and then in our bed, and that continues. Sometimes at 3, 4 or 5AM, whenever it is she wakes up, I put her back in her cot after nursing, unless I fall asleep too. But if it's 6AM or later, or the second time she wakes up, she usually stays in our bed. Before she was born I was really against having her in our bed. I was afraid we'd roll on her, and even though other parents said "you won't, and you'll change your mind when the baby is here" I didn't believe them. They were right of course. That said, we all sleep much better in separate beds. This past week I have tried having her sleep more with us but that hasn't helped, she has still woken up every or every other hour, so that isn't it.
Thanks for all your comments below, replies coming!
Via Anna's iPhone
Hey Anna,
ReplyDeleteGlad that Isolde slept a bit better last night!
Take heart - a change in sleeping patterns at 4 months is very very normal and a well documented phenomenon. It more than likely has nothing to do with changes in routine or moving or anything like that. Pretty much all babies, especially breastfed babies, start waking more then. It seems to be related to many things -- a major growth spurt, learning new skills like rolling over and getting ready to crawl, cognitive development (which is harder to see), etc.
Because so much is going on for them conceptually and cognitively at this age, and the world is suddenly becoming a much 'bigger' place for them, apparently this is not the time to do any sort of sleep training, but just be there for them as they ride it out. I think babies waking in the night is biologically natural and healthy (for them, not us!). Their sleep patterns and cycles only really fully mature at about 2 years. You can 'make' a baby stop waking and 'sleep through' before then by leaving them to cry or doing some kind of sleep training, but my feeling (and I admit, I am a real happy hippy mommy!) is that you are teaching them learned helplessness; they sleep through because they have given up on the idea that we are there for them when they sleep as nature intended.
After 3 months of 12 hour solid sleeping (just a lucky fluke, but probably linked to our co-sleeping too), Imogen went through major upheaval between 4- 6 months, with a particularly bad week of hourly waking at 6 months (another known growth spurt). I survived by taking it easy, napping when she did, and co-sleeping, so that the wake-up only ever lasted about 5/10 minutes for both of us - not really too taxing. Then she settled into a better pattern of waking just once at around 3am for a feed, and sleeping late till about 8am. That was great and lasted till about 1 year. Now she seems to be waking about every 4 hours. Again - because we sleep together, this hardly impacts on my sleep, because it is a quick pat or a feed, and we are both zonked out again. I think because of our sleeping arrangements, we have never had that 'phase' (probably separation anxiety) that many babies in their own rooms go through when they wake up 3am and just want to cry/ be awake/ play for 2 hours! That would kill me! Equally, Imogen always wakes up after 7/7.30am - again, because I am there and she has no need to call me to her.
Our solution to the problem of sleeping less well with a baby taking over the bed was to get a cot that we 'sidecar' to the side of the bed by taking down one side. Imogen sleeps in there happily, but is still just an arm's reach away, and I get a proper side of the bed to myself. When she is ill or growth spurting, then she snuggles up to me, otherwise she prefers her own space.
In a nutshell, I guess what I am saying is that I believe it is natural for babies to wake for food or comfort - they are after all only small, vulnerable babies. If you go down the route, which understandably most mothers do, of separating mum/babe at night and trying to train them to sleep like adults do, that may have some short-term results, but also often just raises other problems - like night time separation anxiety - and how to deal with a growth spurting baby who you have to get out of your bed to reach!
Anyway - just sharing my whole sleep/ baby raising philosophy with you! I know it is not for everyone, and I know I am a bit of an 'earth mother', but just thought I would give a different perspective - because one of the joys of the first year of motherhood for me was not having to worry/ get stressed about Imogen's sleeping, and just follow her lead (and enjoy the luxuries of day time napping!). I can really see the benefits of our 'attachment parenting' now - she is really confident, sociable and secure, and did not bat an eyelid about going to nursery when I started work.
Hope that whatever approach you take, you get some good rest soon,
Kim xx
Here are some links, for what they are worth!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp
http://moxie.blogs.com/askmoxie/2006/02/qa_what_are_sle.html
http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/4mo-sleep.html
Kanske en growth spurt eller en utvecklingsfas?? De sover oftast sämre då.
ReplyDeleteHoppas det går bättre igen snart!
Läste nyss båda inläggen men skriver bara här. Utan erfarenhet så tror jag på teorin "det är en fas, det går över". Men när man står där mitt i det så tycker jag inte det är så lätt att tänka att det är en fas som snart går över av sig själv utan man börjar fundera på varför och hur man kan åtgärda det som nu är det nya.
ReplyDeleteVår lilltjej var ju en dröm de första 2-3 veckorna, jag inser nu i eferthand att hon säkert var i det där passiva sova-nästan-hela-tiden tillståndet som de riktigt nyfödda är. Som du vet utgående från det jag skrivit har det sen dess varit svårare och knepigare, framför allt att få henne att sova, samt jobbigt även dagtid då hon vägrar sova nån annstans förutom i armarna (dryga dar blir det...).Får se vad som väntar härnäst.
Precis som du sa jag nej till samsovning, av en massa olika skäl. Det har ärligt talat varit en rätt viktig princip hos mig. Men, men... Jag har kapitulerat, just nu i alla fall. Det är det enda som funkar här och man gör ju det som funkar. Snart är det väl nån ny fas och nåt nytt man måste prova ut. Jag kan ibland känna mig lite stirrig över att allting är så rutinlöst, ingen ordning, mönster eller tider alls egentligen. Även om jag vet man inte kan ha det med riktigt små. Men ändå...man börjar fundera lite hur det blir i framtiden.
Beträffande er situation så tror jag som sagt det är en fas, det råkar ha inträffat i samband med flytten men som din barnmorska sa så tror inte heller jag det har nåt med den att göra. En slump.
Det är klart, med en allt större bebis som dels tar plats, viftar och har sig i sängen (vid samsovning) så blir nog sömnen sämnre för alla inblandade.
Gör det som funkar just nu dock, är mitt råd. Vet inte hur det är med dig, men själv är jag lite nervös för att det där man ser som tillfälliga lösningar, tänk om det snabbt blir permanenta lösningar för bebisen vänjer sig och sen får man jobba hårt med omlärning.
Senare är det säkert så, men när egentligen det inträder vet jag inte. Hela första året är väl en enda resa i ständig förändring och så många nya faser hela tiden att det blir svårt med rutiner som gäller längre än ett kortare tag, sen nåt nytt som gäller.
Det kan också vara frustrerande när man tycker man kommit vidare till en utvecklingsfas, som t.ex. det du skriver om att nu har hon ju sovit si och så på näterna, när de sen i ens ögon nästan verkar ta ett kliv bakåt i utvecklingen och börja göra som de gjord för x-antal veckor sen.