Show & Tell: When I Stopped Believing in the Stork

Petta's last theme for November is When I stopped believing in Santa or the Stork. I thought I'd focus on the stork.

I don't think I ever really believed in the stork (?), the reason being I was born in the 1970s (1976) and my upbringing was heavily influence by the times my parents were living in. So instead of telling me stories of storks bringing babies and dropping them on house roofs (is that how the story goes?), they read the book Per, Ida & Minimum to me. I can't remember if I ever thought very much of babies or asked my parents "where do babies come from?", at least not before my brother was born when I was four, almost five years old, but I'm sure I did (maybe my mum can enlighten me?!).

Nowadays, even though the book can still be bought and parents still use it I'm sure (I certainly will), Per, Ida & Minimum is not considered as politically correct and mainstream as it was in the 1970s and 1980s. Now we're living through some sort of neo-Puritan reaction to the "wild and free" 70s where pictures, even in cartoon form, of naked people in general and of people having sex in particular, are controversial, especially in children's literature (though at the same time the Internet is full of it and young people go nude in front of webcams - it's a mixed time period, I guess). The "discovery" of paedophilia hasn't helped either of course.

Some images from the book (all borrowed off the Internet), in case you're not familiar with this iconic piece of educational children's literature:

This image reminds me of my aupair year in the US. My two host children, 7 and 9 years old at the time, were very curious about sex and they figured I would tell them more than their mum did. I decided to be very honest, with consideration to their age of course. One such question was how many times I had had sex (they were more interested in times rather than number of partners - not that I had much to brag about at age 19-20 either...) and the older one added "my mum has had sex three times (= the number of children she had), upon which I explained that sometimes you have to have sex several times to conceive and that, also, sometimes you just have sex because it's nice :)



I'm sure most people have played this game at least once! Though sometimes we also played how to make babies, not just deliver them! ;)



This is something I'm wondering quite a lot right now, as 9 January is approaching fast... :)

Show & Tell: When Silence Kills

Maybe a bit strange to bring up under Show & Tell but my grandmother (father's mother) passed away a couple of days ago. While I'm very sad, I also have a feeling of great relief as she was really suffering towards the end. She wasn't in pain but she was in the late stages of dementia and was also constantly tired. Both body and mind had had enough. And at age 89 it's okay to "give in".

What's most sad is that her quality of life in the last few years weren't that great. She was probably happy in many ways (and the staff at her care home took great care of her) but in an ideal world she would have had a healthy body and mind until the very end; we'd all want that, i.e. be super-healthy and active until we are struck by sudden death, preferably in our sleep. Unfortunately that's not how it ends, will end, for most of us.

Healthier lifestyles together with the advances of modern medicine (even though some people argue there are trends pointing the opposite direction) mean that most of us my age and our children will live longer than any generation before us, to 100 years old or even longer. But what modern medicine cannot help us with, as far as we know now, is the brain, and here I mean the brain as in the mind, our memory, our personality. Yes, there are medicines that can slow down the digression of the brain as well as food and techniques said to prevent dementia, but none of these are full-proof and at some stage they become useless. So our body might be ticking like a Duracell bunny while our mind is shutting down.

I do believe though, and this is where this week's theme comes in, that having an active social life and keeping the mind busy, can make body and mind match better. Even if "destiny"will catch up with us in the end, we can postpone the point of no-return. There is so much evidence telling us that when we don't have human interaction, we will die, even if we are otherwise healthy. There is a link between body and mind; the body will stay healthy longer if the mind is also healthy.

My grandmother had a lot of loving family members around her - until the early 2000s she lived opposite my parents and after that she moved briefly to a flat near my aunt, before she had to move to a care home five years ago or so - but she didn't have a partner (my grandfather died in the late 1980s) and gradually her group of friends shrunk (a natural but sad development as we grow older). As dementia sets in, even though the early signs are just visible to an expert, a person may also be less interested in social interaction, even though maintaining an active social life could be the most effective brake at this early stage. Thus, in many ways silence kills, albeit slowly.

I should have really visited by grandmother more over the last couple of years. Not that it would have stopped her dementia developing further, but still, it's something I feel bad about. When I saw her a few weeks ago I hadn't seen her since last year. In many ways I said goodbye a long time ago, or perhaps it was more of a gradual letting go. I was reluctant to visit her because I mourned the grandmother she was and that I wished she could have been until the end. She has been a very important person in my life and my favourite grandparent (if you're allowed to pick) and I have so many fun and happy memories - from hearing about her "wild" childhood full of mischief to our weekly "date" to watch "The House of Eliott" while sipping English tea - which I will tell you more about some other time.

No pictures today as I can't access the hard drive with our photos right now.

Early First Snow

Luckily October snow usually doesn't stay more than a few hours or a day.



Via Anna's iPhone

Chocolate Land in September

You may recall we spent a long weekend in Brussels back in early September. It was overcast and grey the first day and rain on the third day but the second day was sunny and 20+ degrees; difficult to believe a day like this with temperatures of 2-3'C (though in Brussels it was a bit warmer today) that it was only five-six weeks ago we had a lovely summer day!

Here's a collection of photos from our weekend in chocolate land (actually, I don't think we ate any chocolates at all! We bought some with us home though but only to give away, aren't we kind! :)

We spent Friday sightseeing in town. We have both spent quite a lot of time in Brussels (including a five-month traineeship at the European Commission for me) so there were no must-see sights and we could just walk around at a lazy pace.


Saturday was the summer day, as mentioned, and we spent the first part of it relaxing on our friends' deck before heading to Tervuren park (after the guys had mowed the lawn).


Chris had to fix the puncture on the pushchair before we could head out


We started with lunch at the café in the park and then took a long walk as well as a long rest and chat while Daniel was napping


When we got back to the house there was still sunshine in the garden and Peter and I practiced posing for family portraits with borrowed kid :)


Daniel is such a cutie pie!

Still cute, even with a dirty face!

Mandatory ego shot

Future gardener?

On Saturday evening former colleague Lydia who I hadn't seen since last December joined us for dinner

We were pretty lazy on Sunday and didn't get out of the house until lunch time. We had lunch at one of my favourite Belgian restaurant, Le Pain Quotidien, in a neighbouring area. Daniel looks like a little Cambodian or Vietnamese boy in this photo (apologies for the not so pc comment...).

After lunch we explored the nearby Thai market where these ladies created some amazing fruit and vegetable art!

Show & Tell: Borders

Apologies for another late Show & Tell... A busy weekend is my excuse; it started with girls' dinner on Friday, followed by a much needed sleep-in on Saturday, shopping and a 40th surprise party on Saturday, and Sunday we had apartment viewings, flying and dinner at Peter's uncle on the agenda.

For this week's Show & Tell Petta has chosen gränser, i.e. borders or limit(ation)s. The first thing that popped into my mind was Borders bookstore, and not Borders in general but the Borders in Oxford, which is probably the Borders I have spent most time in (even if it was some years ago now; early 2000s). As many Borders around the world it became a victim of the economic crisis and was closed down, but the memories always remain.



I don't think I actually bought that many books in there (so maybe I contributed to its demise?); actually I probably bought more coffees than books, even though it is likely I spent more on books than coffee, given books tend to cost more than a latte (unless it's one of those 3 for the price of 2 deals perhaps). Most visits to Borders actually entailed spending time in the Starbucks at the back of the store, usually with my friend Kim.



My standard order was a regular latte in the winter and a frappucino in the summer. Now I can't drink frappucinos any more, at least not with cream; instead I prefer a simple iced latte without sugar.



And then we sat there for hours reading gossip magazines! :)



Now when I visit Oxford (not very often but it happens - Kim still lives in the area with her family) we go to what is probably the best bookshop and the one that counts as the "real", i.e. University bookshop, namely Blackwell's. They also have a café where you can sit for hours, though it's more frequented by students actually studying than reading gossip :)



Reminiscing about my time in Oxford also reminds me of one of the first things I learned as a political science (and especially international relations) student related to borders, namely the fact that you have a fundamental right to leave a country (even if it doesn't always apply in pratice) but not to enter another one. I understand that's how the modern world is organised* and that there are lots of (practical) reasons why you cannot allow people to migrate freely across the world, but I wish it wasn't so.



* That said, the nation state is really only 400 years old so does not necessarily have to be a given or a constant at all...

Up We Go

Peter was given a flying lesson by some friends for his 30th and finally got to use it today (just two years later) and I dared coming along! It was a sunny and beautiful autumn day and I got some great shots of Stockholm (with the camera). Here's a taster taken with my phone.



Via Anna's iPhone

Show & Tell x2

So, time for some Show & Tell, the evening before the real Show & Tell. I will attempt some sort of mixed post picking up the themes from the first two weeks of the month. Petta has taken over the directorship for October and her first theme was With an open mind I... and her second one History repeats itself.

With less than three months to "touchdown", I have started thinking about giving birth. Earlier I was very much living in the moment and just enjoying being pregnanct and a baby felt very "unreal" and "somewhere in the future". Even at my last midwife's appointment about two weeks ago (and the three-hour "mothers' group" a day earlier, where we were all given a book about birth, "Att föda" by Gudrun Abascal) and my midwife asked if I had started thinking about the delivery, my immediate reaction was "already? Should I?". It was probably a combination of those two sessions and the fact that my belly went through a bit of a growth spur the following week (which seems to have slowed down now - I guess it will be a bit of an interval thing), that set me off. With the Belly Dancer growing and occupying a proportionally smaller space, which means that I can feel his or her movements even more, it's becoming more and more real that we're expecting a baby (and not just an alien, which it feels like sometimes when he or she is all over the place) and that s/he will have to come out some time.



While I'm not afraid of labour there are certain things about it that I don't necessarily look forward to or embrace the thought of... Recently I learnt a new word, "the ring of fire", which doesn't sound nice at all but people reassure me that it lasts for only a few seconds...ehum, we'll see... I assume they don't feel like seconds at the time. Tearing is actually my worst fear. Hours of contractions and pain worry me less than tearing. There are techniques of how to limit tearing, at least severe tearing (and different hospitals have varying "performance" when it comes to tearing) , and I will include this is my birthplan and hope the midwife(s) will help me.



Something I also learned recently is that one's blood volume increases from 4 litres to 5.2 litres during pregnancy to ensure there is enough blood and oxygen for mother and baby during the pregnancy but also to allow for the blood loss that inevitably will occur during labour. Apparently average blood loss is 0.5 litres and some lose more, especially if the placenta doesn't come out easily. Even if it does happen that women die from bleeding, it is very, very rare and even in the past it wasn't necessary blood loss women died from. Instead, for a long time, women really died in vain in connection to childbirth, as they died from infection caused by dirty hands; for most part of the 18th and 19th centuries, doctors went directly from autopsies to delivering babies without washing their hands. When this link was "discovered" at the turn of the century, the share of women who died at childbirth decreased drastically. But of course, modern medicine and the fact that most women nowadays give birth in hospitals where help is easily accessible, are also reasons for low fatality rates.

Speaking of blood I'm actually more afraid of caesarean section and I can't understand how women willingly choose this option (at least not when there's no traumatic experience that explains their choice). I don't think most people realise that a C-section is a major operation where at least seven doctors and other staff must be present and you need to cut through as many layers (and all scars have to heal, not just the visible scar)... An operation is always a risk and when it comes to childbirth, which women have gone through for thousands and thousands of years*, C-section remains the higher risk option (there are exceptions of course, but in general). That said, I try to have an open mind both towards women who choose the C option, and also towards the possibility that I may end up having one in the end if labour doesn't go the way it should. A friend who ended up having a C-section gave me a book that I will read just in case. Having an open mind also means that I will try not to feel cheated of "the real experience", which some women who had a C-section "unwillingly" have said they did. One can never know how one's body will act and react and even if one can prepare through reading, taking breething classes and going to yoga, these methods are never full-proof and in the end it comes down to body and nature.

I will also have an open mind in terms of where I will give birth. My midwife is linked with BB Stockholm and I have priority there, but there is no guarantee that it will be there as there is always a risk they could be full on that particular day/night. In practice though, most women do end up going to the hospital of their choice, unless it's the summer period when the hospitals struggle with staff shortages (even the Swedish Europe Minister did not get preferential treatment in July and ended up going to Uppsala to give birth). So it's highly likely our baby will be born at BB Stockholm. That said, I don't want to be all set on that and be disappointed if that doesn't happen. I have heard so many people say "oh, I don't want to go to hospital X because I have heard..." or similar. I actually think - and even my midwife (Barnmorskorna Östermalm) says so - that most hospitals in the Stockholm area are very good and very even in the care they provide. It used to be that the private (i.e. privately provided but still publicly funded) alternatives offered something extra, for example private room after delivery, but nowadays all maternity wards do as that is simply what parents expect. They may not all have parquet flooring but I wonder how many parents really care about that, either in the middle of painful labour or after, when they have just experienced the miracle of life. And even if there are some differences in quality, what's the use of thinking of them when one cannot influence it in the end - then one will just worry more.

If you ask me how I feel closer to the date 9 January 2011 I may say differently, but so far I try not to have any particular expectations Beyond what I can do to prepare, I will just go with the flow and trust nature (and the medical experts).

* Of course, as the name proves, ceasareans are not new either, but you know what I mean.

Soft Neighbours

Image borrowed from kanal5.se

My downstairs neighbours* are on telly! I just watched the first episode online as I missed it when it aired and the second episode is tonight. Our neighbours are the family with the lists, Arvidsson-Kvarnsmyr. I don't really know them except the usual meet-and-greet, but I have always thought they seemed like a pretty odd couple - she a typical city girl; he a skater with his trousers far down on his hips - so they are perfect for a programme called "Sweden's softest families".

* They have had some contractors in doing up the flat so I guess it paid pretty well to be on the reality show, or that is how they were paid perhaps. Good for them!

Nyhavn Galore

Lots of pictures of the colourful houses of Nyhavn today!



Via Anna's iPhone

Danish Lunch

It's probably compulsory to eat smørrebrø (smushies) while in Denmark so we complied. I was excused from the mandatory beer though and had some delicious organic cranberry juice instead.



Via Anna's iPhone

No Show No Tell

I'm so behind on blogging and reading your blogs right now due to heavy workload and lots of other things in the pipeline. So Show & Tell will have to wait until next week (when I will have to catch up on last week's and this week's theme).

Tomorrow morning I'm off to Copenhagen for a weekend of sight-seeing and shopping with my mum. The hotel has a wireless connection so I might post a virtual postcard or two from the Danish capital!

Have a nice weekend!

Build-a-Buggy

Evening activity a Sunday in October. Still almost three and a half months to touchdown but very happy to be able to check off one thing on the baby list.





Via Anna's iPhone