The Rapist Among Us

Every week there is one murder as a result of domestic violence in Sweden. The equivalent number in the UK is two, but the UK has six times more inhabitants (9 and 60 million respectively), indicating that we have a serious problem in Sweden (though I will not attempt to answer "why").

Lately Swedish media has given much attention to rapes and other sexual assaults as a result of the catching of a serial rapist in the northern city of Umeå. The so-called Haga man, who is on trial right now, is charged with the rapes and very violent abuse of six women from the end of the 1990s onwards. People expect rapists to be crazy weirdos that would be easily recognisable in the street, but the Haga man, to the surprise of many, was a married father of two with a permanent job and described by friends and family as a regular guy.

We need to highlight and create awareness that most rapes and sexual violence occur in the home, within families or by a person the victim knows in some way already. Only a small share of rapes is the sort of attack rape in the middle of the night. This means that most rapists are in fact seemingly “normal” men.

In a recent column in DN, Katarina Wennstam, reporter on Swedish television and author of the book “A Real Rapist”, writes about "the human being behind the demon". She says that the Haga man is a mystery and that he probably will remain so.

It certainly looks like a demon has been forced out of the shadows and has been given a face, a name, even ascribed personal characteristics. But at the same time a shudder goes through the Swedish collective consciousness. We do not see a connection between the man and the demon.

According to Wennstam, who is very critical of how the media focuses on group rapes or assault rapes, all news media give insufficient attention to the by far most common rapes, those committed in the home. The greatest risk for a woman is in the home, not in a dark park. Wennstam argues that journalists have painted a picture of rapists in too black-and-white contrasts. The perpetrator that we meet in the media is almost always a monster, a man who is not of this world. He may be a monster in some people’s eyes but

most victims see the nuances. They may know their perpetrator, even like or love him, think that he has his good sides, or [they] succeed at least to see both the monster and the human being in the same person.

Most of the women who are subject to sexual violence in the home do not report what has happened to them. If the man is well adjusted, liked and handsome, the woman has an extra barrier to overcome before she dares to report him, mainly because she doubts that anybody will believe her.

The Haga man is not the first family father to be charged with serious sexual violence. But it is the first time a man charged with rape is described as father, friend and colleague in addition to his role as the Haga man, i.e. not in the usual black-and-white extremes. It is not “us and them” anymore, but one of us. Wennstam concludes:

This is one of society’s oldest and most tenacious myth, that men rape of sudden, exploding lust and because they cannot get sex in some other way. Rape is not about sex and lust, but about power and oppression.