Work Ethic: Part One

Yes, I know, I've been a poor blogger lately. I've simply had too much to do, both work-wise and in the evenings. I will tell you in due time. For those of you who are not that busy at work but would like to appear to be, here's a list of tricks to apply in various circumstances at work in order to seem like the busy, diligent bee.

23. Delaying. If your boss comes and asks you for a chat, don’t bounce right away. Delay by saying “I’ll be there as soon as I finish this.”
Advantage: You appear to have integrity and moreover, you buy time to prepare for the meeting.

22. The Jimmy Connors trick. To be tired is human. To doze off at work is bad. The solution is to pretend to pick up paper clips though you’re actually sleeping. Like Jim Connors sort of. Sprinkle paper clips on the floor, lean forward and slumber. If someone comes in you pretend you’re picking.
Advantage: No one notices that you’re tired and sleeping like a baby.

21. The “I do work” trick. Reject phone calls when you’re on your way home on Fridays after lunch. If you get a message, return the call at 18.45 and explain that you’ve been in a telephone conference until now.
Advantage 1: You appear to be sacrificing everything for work.
Advantage 2: The person in question avoids leaving messages coming Fridays.

20. The reading trick. Put your own reading inside e.g. a relevant annual report. Lean back towards a fall and enjoy Hello magazine.
Advantage: You’re seen as a person who keeps his/herself informed.

19. The important telephone call trick. You’re in an open-plan office and a friend calls. Say loudly: “Then I will just collect some material and find a meeting room”. You’re free to chat and gossip for at least 15 minutes.
Advantage: You appear to be an important person who is consulted on important issues.

18. The font 6 trick. Write private emails with text in font size 6 so that people passing by cannot read them. For further smoke screen, keep excel sheets open half-screen.
Advantage: You can write whatever you want, whenever you want.

17. The ”I’m in the game” trick. At the weekly meeting, always express your opinion with authoritative voice early on in the meeting – preferably in general terms that data steer documents and the ball is round.
Advantage: You appear to be in the game.

16. The email trick. Write some general email to co-workers and preset the transmission time so that the emails are portioned out at regular intervals during the day. You’re free to play golf or pick your nails. Transmission time Sunday should be avoided.
Advantage: You seem to have an even and high work capacity.

15. The walk and talk trick. Important job call? Take a walk around the office with the office mobile phone, wave your arms and say loud and clear: “I hear what you’re saying and I understand – but it does not change anything”.
Advantage: You seem to have authority.

14. The offensive walk trick. With high speed, purposefully. When it comes to walking decidedly there only one no-no: you cannot seemed stressed.
Advantage: Make you seem effective and efficient.

13. The mobile at the meeting trick. Ask the other meeting participants if it’s okay that you keep your mobile switched on as you’re expecting an extremely important call. Leave when it rings.
Advantage: Make you seem (more) important.

12. The ”classic”. Or the ”light switched on and coat left behind” trick. To leave the office without turning your light off, without turning off your computer and without taking your coat. Warning: If you use it too often your colleagues might see through it.
Advantage: It looks like you’re still at work although you’re not.

To be continued.